My Book and Feedback

[LIGACHEIF]

Hey guys, so today i'm asking your feedback on my novel that ive been working on for about half a year, more or less. I want your honest feedback, no sugar-coated crap, i want the hard truth. Its a war book, and its my first real attempt at a book. I will warn you guys there is cussing, so viewer descression is advised. The title is Comrades and its mainly about a platoon and the hardships they face. Heres the link for the whole thing:
https://docs.google.com/document/m?id=1MqwYgGj80ra3T82uXuzP6J_eGGTpWlLyEWl3jtXuKJY&pli=1

[Mooncruiser]

Yeah -you're 15, it shows.
C-

[LIGACHEIF]

How could i improve?

[Mooncruiser]

A: write about what you have experience of. This is puerile and steals a lot of cliche' from what you've read.
B: really, don't post shit like this. It comes across as a child's blathering. Stick to airsoft (kid style).

[LIGACHEIF]

Sorry you feel that way, but now im mad about how much you look down on me because of my age. It bothers me that just because im younger and have less experiance in writing and airsoft alike dosent mean im the average spring pistol backyard dueler. Also, i cant show my own experiance seeing how im not old enough to join the Army. I posted this because im learning, so i currently dont mind what you say. Also

youre 15, it shows

made me mad because its another example on how you look down on me. Thats my mind, so strike me down if you want, but i wanted it to be out there.

[Mooncruiser]

Hey, keep writing though. You'll see the world a lot differently in about 10 years. Practice now and watch the change when you look back in 2022.
Good luck. (And post a link to the whole screed rather than putting the whole thing on here).

[Fresnel]

Big hint: more dialogue, less narration.

Also, it's pretty obvious in two or three places that you have no idea what you're talking about. Like the fact that a klick is a kilometer, so taking a 13,000 meter shot is juuust a bit stretching the range of a .308, which isn't choice for more than an 800m shot, and hiking 367 kilometers through enemy territory, which is roughly equal to walking the roads from Phoenix to Vegas. And Irvan switches branches of the military halfway through his backstory... first it's Army 101st Airborne, then Marine Scout Sniper school, then back to the Army for the Rangers. And I won't even get into the guns, but you seemed to go out of your way to name as large a variety of firearms as you could.

[LIGACHEIF]

Im an idiot, lol. Fixed those. In the final version, anyways

[ghosthollow53]

Im an idiot, lol. Fixed those. In the final version, anyways

A book has no final version. Stephen King, in his book the Shining, he sent each chapter in for revision 38 times like an entire novel.

[LIGACHEIF]

When i say final version i mean the draft honestly, lol. Only true record i have

[birdman]

And I won't even get into the guns, but you seemed to go out of your way to name as large a variety of firearms as you could.

From the Prolog that I read I thought that it was kinda overkill all the firearm naming, but maybe that's just me. I am interested in reading the entire story however
LIGACEIF You seem like you're being to hard on yourself with the negative feedback, make sure you think of the brighter side, like if you're only 15 then Just think about what you're going to write like your senior year of high school (which I just finished) and trust me you'll need to be able to write. I'll PM you my email so you can send it to me, and I can finish reading.

[Fresnel]

You know, I think the easy way to do this would be to upload it to Google Documents, then just post a link here. That way you don't have to email it to everyone individually.

EDIT: Oh look, you already did that. What a coincidence...

[LIGACHEIF]

Well someone told me to eventualy